Thursday, October 26, 2006


Steve and I are both trying to lose weight. We both have the same amount to lose and of course, he's doing better at it with a total of 15lbs to my 5lbs. I think it has to do with motivation.

When we first decided to try again at this, Steve came up with a whole series of motivation rewards for himself every 10lbs along with a reward at 25 and another at goal. He knew what would get him to work on the weight loss and it really does. When he's faced with food choices, I can see the wheels in his head turning, remembering the motivation. It's very cool to see him work hard at this.

Not that it helps me any. I have no will power and aparently my motivation reward is not good enough. I only picked one for a goal reward. It's not very motivating. The problem is it's too far off and doesn't feel close enough to reality. I guess I need to choose something to motivate me, but the only rewards I want that are non food related are also too hard to accomplish. things like a lunch out by myself somewhere, new clothes. Things that are totally dependent on the situation we are in at the time. I still don't think they would motivate me like Steve's do him.

Honestly, I want to lose weight. I do. it just feels so unreal though. I've been struggling with this weight for five years and I've gotten nowhere with it. I exercise regularly and it doesn't do anything. I watch what I eat, doesn't do anything. I just feel stuck. I've been tested for hypothyroid before and came up negative. I have all the same symptoms I did then, so I doubt the results would be different. Somedays I just feel like I will always be this size. Always have the awful fat rolls on my stomach and the butt that's way too big for one person. I do know I'm fat. There's just not a lot more I can do about it right now.

Anyway, I didn't start off to write a downer post. it's just something that's been preying on my mind lately. I just wish I could lose weight like Steve. He tends to yo-yo, but at least his yo-yo goes down half the time. Mine just goes up.

1 comment:

Jared of the Glen said...

It's OK, Amy. I've suddenly started packing on the weight lately, too. I think subconsciously I know that I'm closing on my 30th birthday, and so I'm sabotaging myself with expectations of weight gain. Either that, or all the Mcdonald's for the Monopoly pieces, and the regular free food at work combined with little real exercise. Not sure which, though. I pick the more cosmic, out-of-my-hands one. :)
I remember a family conversation from a few years ago on the subject of Thyroid. Nicole was found to have something called "Generalized Resistance to Thyroid" or a similar name. The Thyroid levels in the blood are normal, because the body is producing enough, but your body isn't absorbing it, and putting it to use. So, you have all the symptoms of Hypothyroidism, but not that condition. I hope I'm not just harping on something you've already been over. If not, ask Mom or Nicole.