Thursday, April 12, 2007

Friends

I have this problem keeping friends. I have no clue why, I guess people just get tired of me after a year or two. Or maybe I just have unrealistic expectations. I get a little twinge of jealousy when I hear women get teary eyed when they talk about the woman who's been like a sister to them for 20 years.

yeah, not even close here. I have had maybe two or three friends in my entire life who considered me their best friend, at least that's what they told me anyway. I have had friends where that person was my best friend and I was most definitely not theirs and let me tell you, that's a pathetic, sad possition to be in.

Lately I've been really thinking about what I want in a friend in the first place. I had a friendship go sour this last year and it's made me stop and reevaluate what I was doing.

1. I want a friend who wants to talk to me as much as I want to talk to her. I want her to pick up the phone when I call (and how pathetic is it that I even have to specify that?) I want her to stop for a second in her day and say "I really want to talk to Amy." and then call me herself instead of waiting for me to call.

2. I want a friend who takes equal responsibility for the health of the friendship. I'm tired of it all being on my shoulders. Which has happened to me more than once. It's hard to continue a friendship when you get the feeling that your friend wouldn't miss you that much if you just stopped calling. and it's really sad when you stop calling and they don't, in fact, miss you. or call you themselves either.

3. I want a friend I can trust. One who doesn't talk about me behind my back. One who doesn't see me as competition or expects me to be the president of the fan club. I will cheer my friends on but I won't do that.

4. I want one I can be honest with. Not one who doesn't want to listen (or talk to me) when I disagree with her. It's not a matter of loyalty, it's a matter of me being a different person and having different ideas. It's ok. I can still be friends with someone I don't agree with 100%.

5. I want someone who wants to hang out with me and talk to me and really wants to be my friend. that's it. I want a friend who wants me as a friend.

How hard is that?

Harder than I ever thought it would be. I have given up on having a best girlfriend. I have Steve and he is all those things for me and more. He gets excited to hear my voice on the phone. He cheers me on when I have good things happen. He wants to spend time with me. He is my best friend.

Maybe that's one reason why I have such a hard time with friends. Steve is a hard act to follow.

3 comments:

teresa said...

Amy - I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. I seem to have the same problem though ;)

Holly said...

Really...it's not all it's cracked up to be to have friends! It's good to have a husband whose you're best friend!!

Theresa Grdina said...

I cannot believe this topic...I have the same problem. My life-long friend (from the age of 8) died five years ago from breast cancer. When my youngest started school (10 years ago), she became friends with a little girl whose mom was great! We hit it off instantly. She is awesome. This year the girls started high school and have no classes together. Needless to say, this friend of mine has now quit calling and makes excuses to not see me or do things together anymore. It makes me sad.

Like you I have a wonderful hubby and three lovely daughters that I count as my best and life-long friends. But I sure miss that 'girlish" bond. I wish I could understand it.