The other day I participated in a readers theater style skit during a Relief Society (church women's group) dinner. It's one of those things that many women groan over being asked to do, like the last thing they want is to stand up in front of a crowd and speak but they say yes to be nice. So in the past when I was asked to do these things, I gave the same attitude, the whole, well if you want me to thing. Little grimace and all that.
But I love to be asked to do it. I love getting to participate in dramatic stuff and doing readings. Secretly, I think I'm pretty darn good at it. It's fun to get up and do something I'm good at and get the praise for it. I like standing in front of the crowd and showing off.
And that's precisely why I've put up the front for years. Because nice girls don't show off, right? It felt like bragging and attention seeking to say I actually like doing it. There's a part of me that desperately wants the public recognition from doing these things, and because I want it, it feels wrong to want it, so I pretend I don't.
Except this time. I said yes happily. I said thank you for asking me. I actually said I liked doing them. And it felt right and ok to say. And I'll say it again next time I'm asked. Because it is fun. and I do like it. I've come to the point where I don't care if makes me look like an attention seeker. I'm ok with that, as long as I get to do something I love in the meantime. :)